In modern world, authority of man has ceased to be unconditional for woman. From “eligible” man turned into “one who should”: he must be strong and decisive, hardworking and caring, responsible and loyal, wealthy and successful, patient and understanding, charismatic and sexually attractive, initiative and positive.
Of course, these are all very decent qualities for men, but problem lies in word “must.” It`s expectations of women and standards of society that give rise to fears of men.
Fear of dating
It`s terrible to approach, speak, get refusal. What is the basis of fear of dating? Fear of feeling unattractive, lack of self-confidence, tendency to evaluate yourself through eyes of others.
Fear of being alone
It`s terrible to be “useless”, not loved, not claimed. Alone with bad, boring and uninteresting.
What is the basis of fear of loneliness? Lack of conscious meaning of life, goals, objectives, personal interests and, in general, lack of meaningful lifestyle. Attitude to woman, as lifeline from loneliness.
Fear of serious relationships and family creating
It`s terrible to lose freedom – freedom in your pastime, as well as in permanently abandon other women. It`s terrible to be “obliged to provide” or not to cope with this. It`s terrible to be under burden of woman control. In short, typical “I am not ready”.
What is basis of fear of serious relationships and creating family? Delay in “age of young man”; avoidance of responsibility and obligations; lack of clear criteria for choosing wife; failure to understand meaning of family and serious relationships in man’s life.
Fear of loss of authority and respect from their woman
“She considers me a rag and doesn`t appreciate what I do for her.” “She is sure that other men are better, and I am” a suitcase without handle. “It`s terrible to get powerful blow to self-esteem, especially when compared with other men.
What is the basis of loss of credibility fear? Dependence of self-esteem on attitude of women; fear of being “bad”; tendency to respond to emotions of woman instead of managing situation; habit of feeling sorry for or blaming oneself; excessive attachment to relationships that have lost meaning of their creation.
Fear of betrayal
Scary to be deceived. It`s terrible to lose control of relationships. It`s terrible to feel that “someone is better than me”, including – and especially – in bed.
What is basis of fear of treason? Distrust of his woman and insecurity in her; Again, low self-esteem and against this background – comparing yourself with other men.
Fear of parting, fear of being abandoned
It`s terrible to lose usual way of life, well-established emotional and physical connections. Scary to be alone. It`s terrible to feel like a loser, fiasco.
What is the basis of fear of being abandoned? First of all, lack of internal core, vital guidelines that wouldn`t depend on presence or absence of specific relationships.
Thus, general algorithm for dealing with fears in close relationships is as follows:
- Realize your fear.
- Identify what underlies this fear (low self-esteem, fear of commitment, etc.).
- Thank this fear for possibility of self-development.
- Choose what specifically needs to be developed.
- Daily act in chosen direction.
In general, all opportunities for self-development that give close relationship, can be reduced to one main one. This is opportunity to learn to love. After all, love is opposite of fear.